My Affair with the BTS

I vividly remember the first time I boarded a BTS bus. That was a couple of years ago. I was new to the city and was struggling to adjust to the new setting. I had finally managed to get a job in a private company which was about three kilometres from my room. I fell into the routine of sauntering to my work. A few days of this and I was fed up. You know-the crowded pavements, the signal lights, the beggars, the hawkers and other innumerable distractions. I barely managed to get to the office in time. It was then that I decided to use the cheapest means of public transport available, for the first time.

I arrived at the nearest bus stand dressed immaculately. And a bus came and left without me. For try as I might, I couldn't get into it. I was stunned by the surge of the mob. It was a force that I had not reckoned with. ah! I thought, looking around at the almost deserted place, at least, I could get into the next bus. Within seconds, however, to my dismay, a new crowd had assembled around me and seemed rarin' to go. I got into the next one mainly because I took it up as a challenge to my manhood. Of course, I hated the trip. There was no place to park my legs properly. It was as hot as an oven inside. And only with a superhuman effort (it involved some desperate shoving and some even more desperate shouting) could I manage to alight from the bus at my destination. My clothes were all crumpled up by then

Since that day, I have had a love-hate relationship going on with the BTS. For one thing, it keeps me physically fit. I run towards the bus, the moment it is sighted, with my heart pounding. And once inside, I believe, the tons of pressure on me from all sides does good to my muscles. At the very beginning of the day, it puts me in a mean and aggressive mood that seems so necessary in day-to-day activities of late. I am reminded by it that life isn't exactly a smooth, enjoyable ride-especially for a person belonging to the middle class. And that it is a very competitive world today. It does emphasize the point 'might is right' to an extent. But it also shows that a withering, doddering individual (like me) can survive in this cruel world-provided he is shrewd enough.

Well, I am a veteran commuter of sorts now. And I have a few tips to those who have settled recently in the city and who commute to work in a BTS bus.

All is well if there is a queue in the bus stand. But if there is not one, take heed. When a bus arrives, never ever make the mistake of standing on the either side of the entrance. You will not even get a foothold that way. Instead position yourself in the middle of the stream of the onrushing commuters. You will find yourself inside the bus without any big effort on your part.

Once inside the bus, the rule is not to relax. To get a seat should be your next goal. Otherwise, you will have to stand at an awkward angle, or get your legs trampled upon. (By the way, you are better off wearing shoes-the thicker, the better). You also stand a chance of losing your purse while standing. And not to forget, the discomfort of having someone breathing down your neck. So you should be very alert, mentally as well as physically. Don't park yourself behind the driver or in the enclosure near the entrances. Leave them to those 'softies' who are not interested in a seat. (They have given up the race already).

Instead stand in the aisle and be on the lookout for the signs from those seated. A hand placed on the bar in front (if already there, watch out for the tightening of the grip); a glance backward at a friend sitting at the back; collecting things in hand; a sudden interest in the surroundings-all are sure signs of a seat about to be vacated. The things they carry also provide valuable clues. (Flowers, fruits mean either a temple or a hospital en route). Boarding the same bus everyday is advantageous in that you will recognise those regulars who get down at various stops.

The thing to do directly, once you catch one of those signs is to quickly maneuver yourself so that you end up beside the seat about to be given up. Ease into the seat even as it is being vacated. A moment's hesitation and you lose a good opportunity. This part is quite difficult at first. You can learn a few things by observing an expert 'blocker'. Observe how adroitly he makes use of his hands and body to fence off the seat, leaving no chance to anyone else.

Never stand near those with blank eyes; or beside those enjoying a doze. Nor beside those with noses buried deep in some book or periodical-or those totally absorbed in talking. The chances are that they are terminus- to- terminus commuters.

Finally, have faith in your intuitive powers. it becomes sharper with experience. You then instinctively know who will be getting down at the next stop or two.

Good luck!!

An Introduction to PTA

Come friends, let me introduce you to the concept of Practical Transactional Analysis. This is a simple practical method which if used could change you into a winner. It would not only make you understand yourself better but also help you in your day to day transactions (interactions with others, in brief) leading to a better relationship with other people.

Dr.Eric Berne in the 50's discovered the three Ego states accidentally when a patient of his, a lawyer, revealed during a session that he felt like a little boy. Dr.Berne then discovered that all of us had three ego states i.e. the Parent, the Adult and the Child (P-A-C) and one of them usually dominated the others. The terms themselves are self-explanatory.

The Parent ego state is primarily influenced by our parents' behaviours during our first five years when we are totally dependent on them. Their instructions (no's and don'ts) and their nurturing behaviours are adapted by the child later on in his life.

The Child ego states pertains to the emotional side in us. The tantrums that we throw, the destruction that we do, the inadequate feelings in us and at the same time, the curiosity, the creativity, the spontaneity and the intuitive powers-all belong to this ego state. The Child ego state could be said to be in two forms-adapted (i.e. behaving as expected by parents) or natural (one i.e.spontaneous, creative, rebellious).

The third one, the Adult, is the last one to develop. This is the rational side in us-the data processing nature, or the calculative, problem solving nature in us all. We collect the facts and then reject the unwanted. This is the Adult in brief.

Now all of us-even a child-have all these three ego states. And what we should strive for is to stay in the Adult. This also means that we can be in our Child or Parent ego state provided we've the permission of the Adult. For we do need fun and creativity and there are sometimes when we have to be critical or nurturing. What is important is the appropriateness of the response.

Now let us move on to the transactions. Suppose someone asks what time it is, you can react from your Parent ('Can't you go and look at the clock yourself'), your Child('it must be 16-30 hours'), or your Adult('It's 4-30 on my watch'). When the Adult stimulus is answered with an Adult response or Parent-Parent or Child-Parent-Parent-Child etc, or in other words on the expected lines, the transaction is said to be complementary. If instead of the expected Adult response one comes out with a Parental, then the transaction is said to be crossed.

This is what leads to all sorts of complications. The conversation gets affected in this case. There is another kind of transaction-the Ulterior. Outwardly it could be an Adult transaction but the ulterior message could be that of the Child or the Parent. If the husband comes, sees dust accumulated on the table and then writes,"I Love You" on it, he's making an ulterior transaction to his wife.

What PTA advises us is to stick to the complementary transactions. This can be done only with the help of the Adult in us. This is quite a challenging task and for this we should know more about our own Parent and Child ego states and deliberately have them in control.

You should know about the four life positions too. The first position is the "I an not O.K.-You're O.K."one. This is taken even as early as childhood because the child is totally dependent on its parents and they are always finding faults with it.

The second position is the "I'm not O.K.-You're not O.K." Here all the doors are closed. There are no healthy strokes exchanged with others. An autistic child is a goodexample for this position. Only vigorous, positive stroking will help in changing of the position.

The third position is "I'm O.K.-You're not O.K". This is the person who has been through a difficult childhood. He's been up against the whole world. This also is a result of lack of positive strokes from the parents during childhood. Usually this position is to be seen in criminals.

The fourth is the best of them all. It's the "I'm O.K.-You're O.K" position. This is a conscious decision taken unlike the other three, which are more based on feelings.

Unfortunately, the most common position that exists in us is the"I'm not O.K." one.

Besides this, one can be a persecutor, a victim or a rescuer in life.

These positions leads us to the psychological games that we often play. A game is a 'series of complementary, ulterior transactions leading to a predictable outcome'. Its two chief qualities are, one, the ulterior quality and , two, the pay off that the player expects and gets. These games depend on the life positions taken and it could be said that most of the games are destructive in character. There are Persecutor's games(like,"Now I Got you, Son of a Bitch,NIGYSOB in short) or a victim's game(Kick Me) or a Rescuer's game like ("I'm only trying to help you").

In NIGYSOB, one individual finds fault with another and then makes a great fuss about that. At the surface, it is Adult-to-Adult transaction but at the psychological level it is Parent-to-Adult.

In the "Kick Me" game the player deliberately does a wrong and invites a 'kick' from the other. This usually ends with a "Why does this always happen to me" response from the victim.

In the "I'm Only trying to help you", the player is eager to help others-even to the people who have no need of it.

There are many such games being played in the society. These could be Life games ('Debtor', 'Alcoholic'), Marital games ('Courtroom', 'Harried'. 'If it weren't for you'), Party games(Why don't you..Yes but') or Sexual games('Rapo','Uproar').

It's not only fun to detect the games being played by others but we also could decide with the help of our Adult how not to become a victim.

A knowledge of these games will not only help you with your relationships with others, but will also help you emerge a winner. For example, we can be aware of the salesman trying to provoke our Child into buying things unwanted and not fall for it or it could be refusing to get involved in a destructive game being played by someone else. With this knowledge you can switch off your old parental recordings, hampering your growth and can emerge a free individual. This means growing up into a person with an ever alert, operating Adult, which alone can go for more data objectively. At this juncture let me again remind you that PTA doesn't strongly recommend an Adult response always. It in fact, recognizes the need for downing the masks of adulthood for some fun, some spontaneity and some fantasizing which can be had only through the Child ego state. But what is important is the appropriateness,and the timing.

Everyone has the potential to be a winner. All that is necessary is to be aware of himself, the determination to change and be well acquainted with the subtleties of PTA like positive stroking, the life positions, the psychological games that people indulge in the various transactions etc. Even studying the nonverbal aspects like gestures, body language, tone of voice will help in the way to become a winner. An acquaintance will make one aware of not only the options available but also the correct option. Then he can come out with a message that is apt, clear, undiluted, direct and relevant.

It's the duty of all parents to have knowledge of this because it would help them to first be good parents and then help their children to become winners.

To know more about this, I strongly recommend the following books:

1) "Games People Play" by Eric Berne.
2) "I'm OK-You're OK" by Thomas A Harris.
3) "Staying OK" by Mr. and Mrs. Harris.

Above all I feel that "Born to Win" by Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward is a must. Just a taste of the first chapter (on the traits of winners and losers) is enough to whet the interest of the reader.

With Love to all.

Tired of rejection slips, of posting the articles, and fond of creating my own style which is contrary to the one expected by the newspaperwallahs and the magazine editors, of sharing my thoughts with those who have similar tastes as mine , liking the freedom that blogging gives to create my own niche in the blogosphere ..of posting anything that I like, this is what made me to decide to blogging. I have been reading the popular blogs and I am of the opinion that I can definitely better than them for the simple reason that I have been reading the best of literature for decades, and I say with pride that I have lots of interests in anything that is beautiful. say in arts, films, music, literature.

I will let you into a secret. I was a good dairist in my college days. An ordinary dairy wouldn't be enough for me. So I used notebooks for being able to write any number of pages. I maintained this dairy habit religiously for years. I used to spend more than an hour everyday inspired by other dairists like Samuel Boswell, Samuel Pepys etc.And what is more I have preserved all the volumes till date. In these I have also allowed my friends to contribute especially when we were on tour. And so,the final outcome,especially the final years of my student life so beautifully recorded that my friends who are still in touch want me to read the entries whenever we meet. In fact , they desire to have a copy of the dairy, atleast the excerpts, very badly.

And I have also have the habit of maintaing notes of whatever interesting I read. And this has been going on for decades. This has resulted in volumes of notes which are themselves unique. Now I would share these with my readers.

So I am confident that my blog will be a very interesting one in the days to come.

Looking forward to posting in this site regularly from now on. And looking forward to responses too.